Shed My Skin
by Tear-Trax
Summary: Yuki's not the only one with a dark past. Shuichi has a sercret he has been keeping from everyone.
1. Chapter 1

Well, hello to anyone reading this, welcome to my new fic, it's not a long story. It won't have many chapters, but I've had this story in my folder for a while now, and I thought I would post it. I still have to write the last two chapters, anyway, hope you like.

**I do not own Gravitation or the song, which is 'Shed My Skin' by Alter Bridge.**

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**Shed My Skin**

**Chapter One **

Shuichi Shindou sometimes wondered what it would feel like to be loved. He knew his family and friends loved him, but that kind of love was different. He wanted to know what real love felt like. He wanted Yuki to love him as much as he loved the blonde haired novelist, but he knew he would never receive Yuki's love. The romance author had told him time and time again that he was just his convenient fuck hole. It hurt Shuichi deeply whenever Yuki said that to him. 

It had been two years that Shuichi had been living at Yuki's apartment, but the blonde still treated him like he did the first day that they had met. Yuki was what he was, a cold-hearted bastard. He knows whenever Yuki looks at him. He doesn't see the real Shuichi Shindou. Shuichi had hid the real him for so long, he didn't even know who he was anymore.

He hid himself behind fake cheery smiles and his bouncy attitude. A baka with no sense, but he was so much more than that. To tell the truth, he was a lot quieter than most people thought. He didn't even think Hiro knew who the real him was. It was like he was all alone. No one understood him, or better yet, no one wanted to understand.

Hiro was too wrapped up with Ayaka to care about him, he really hated that bitch. He didn't understand what Hiro saw in her, all she cared about was Yuki. If he moved aside, she would be knocking on Yuki's door the second he left, happy to take Shuichi's place without a single thought about Hiro. He felt sorry for his best friend. He knew he was going to get hurt soon. But he would never listen to Shuichi's advice, why would he when Shuichi himself never listened to Hiro when he said Yuki was an asshole. Shuichi would always defend Yuki, but lately he had come to realise that the author didn't deserve it.

Shuichi knew he was better than Yuki. He knew he deserved better, but what he didn't understand, is why he couldn't leave. What is it that exactly keeps him here? He couldn't recall how many times he had packed his bags and stood by the front door, willing himself to leave. He would sometimes stand there for over an hour, talking himself into it. But he never went through with it, he would unpack his bags and it would happen again, it was like a vicious circle.

Was it because he was too afraid to leave, too afraid to be on his own, even though he felt alone all the time. Or was it because, no matter how bad Yuki treats him, he loved him with all his heart. Did that make him pathetic? Yes of course it made him pathetic. He wanted to be free. He didn't want to feel anymore. He hated his life, he hated himself.

He walked through the silent apartment, working himself up to leave once and for all, but where would he go? He had too many responsibilities. Could he leave the band? He wanted Bad Luck to succeed more than anything, and it has. He didn't know if he had the heart to break them apart, and he couldn't give up his singing. It was still his dream and passion in life, and now it was all he had left.

Making up his mind once and for all, he headed into Yuki's bedroom - it would never be their bedroom - and packed his bags. He guessed he had finally made up mind. After leaving Yuki a note, not that he deserved it. He left without looking back.

He had to be at work in ten minutes, so he walked to NG. On his way to the studio, his thoughts went to a part of his life he never wanted to remember. A secret he had been keeping for so long. A secret that no one knew, not even his parents. He knew that this was also adding to his decision about leaving. The guilt he had felt, it never went away, it was getting worse. He had nearly told Yuki his secret when his lover told him about Kitazawa, but something had stopped him.

He passed Tohma on the way, but he ignored the man. He couldn't be assed to put up with his snide remarks today. He entered the studio, and put his bags in the corner. He looked at the guys watching him. He guessed they wondering why he had his bags, but he didn't want to talk about it.

He sat at the table and took out a piece of paper. He had been working on these lyrics for a few days, and he had just thought of how to finish them. He kept his head down as he wrote. He knew everyone was watching him.

The door to the studio opened and Tohma walked in. He looked at Shuichi who didn't look up at him, and then he looked at the others, a question on his face, everyone just shrugged. Tohma once again looked at Shuichi, he had never been at a loss for words, but that's how he felt right now. Shuichi was completely ignoring everyone, and he wanted to know why he had his bags with him.

He left the room, without saying anything and returned to his office, he wanted to call Eiri. He knew he was always interfering in his brother-in-laws life, trying to get him to break up with Shuichi, but he had come to realise that Eiri really loved Shuichi. Eiri himself had told him that, so he had backed off. He wanted to know what was wrong. He wanted to make sure Eiri was all right. What had made him kick Shuichi out, because the vocalist would never leave his 'Precious Yuki'.

He sat behind his desk and dialled Eiri's cell phone number. He knew the author would be just finishing his meeting with his editor.

"Yes." Eiri answered.

"Eiri are you okay?" Tohma asked.

"Of course I am, why wouldn't I be?"

Tohma frowned. Maybe Shuichi did actually leave this time, or maybe Eiri doesn't care.

"Did you kick Shuichi out?" He asked.

"What? No of course not, I told you the other day how much he meant to me, why would I throw him out?"

"Well, he's here now, in the studio, and he's got his bags with him. If you didn't throw out, then he's leaving you for some reason."

"Damn, I'll be there soon." Eiri hung up, wondering what he had done. Wondering why his little brat wanted to leave. He could go home first, to see if he had left a note, but he wanted to get to NG as soon as possible, just in case.

Turning his car around, he drove to NG, grateful he was only a few minutes away from the building. He really couldn't think of what he had done wrong to make Shuichi leave. He had tried to act nicer. He didn't call him names anymore and he didn't throw him out of their apartment, so why did he leave?

He parked his car out side of NG and went in to find Tohma waiting for him. They both made their way to Bad Lucks studio, opening the door they entered. Yuki watched as Shuichi sat on the stool in the recording booth, he had his eyes closed as Hiro began to play his guitar.

"_I am not alone  
I live with the memories, regret is my home  
This is my true freedom  
Express all the feelings of what I've become  
I watch the rising sun  
I hope I find some peace today_

It seems I've gone away  
It seems I've lost myself  
It seems I've really lost my way  
It seems I've lost myself  
It seems I've...

Shed my skin  
Oh, are you ready for me?  
Or purge my love  
Oh, are you ready for me?"

All the occupants of the room was more than surprised to hear Shuichi singing in English, with only a slight accent. None of them knew Shuichi had even learnt the language.

Yuki wondered if these lyrics were how he was feeling. The song was definitely different to what he usually sings. Did these lyrics have a hidden meaning to them, the emotion in his voice almost brought him to tears, and he was not an emotional guy.__

"A bitter sinking feeling  
Awake to the fact there's no going back  
To this world in which I was living  
I'm searching for something but found less than nothing  
I watch the rising sun  
I hope I find some peace today

It seems I've gone away  
It seems I've lost myself  
It seems I've really lost my way  
It seems I've lost myself  
It seems I've...

Shed my skin  
Oh, are you ready for me?  
Or purge my love  
Oh, are you ready for me?"

Yuki looked at the others and they all knew this song had some meaning to it. Did Shuichi really mean what he was singing? Is this really how he felt? Was Yuki too late to fix whatever he had done?__

"Yeah, 'cause I'm dying to feel  
What I have lost  
Oh, and what I was

All my life I've waited  
Endless days have taken  
Taken what made me free

Years have gone  
I'm broken  
Left the past unspoken  
Those years  
Oh, they haunt me still"

Hiro was nearly close to tears as he heard Shuichi's voice nearly crack, he spotted the tears flowing freely down his face. He too noted the lyrics had some meaning to them, he wondered why Shuichi never spoke to him like he used too. Was it because he was with Ayaka? Did Shuichi think he was being pushed away just because he had a girlfriend? He guessed it was true. He hadn't seemed to have much time for his best friend lately.

He really hoped Shuichi wasn't leaving, he wondered why he had all his stuff with him. He was either leaving Yuki or leaving all of them. He looked around the studio, and his eyes met Yuki's. He hoped the author would be able to fix whatever was going on.__

"Shed my skin  
Oh, are you ready for me?  
Or purge my love  
Oh, are you ready for me?  
& shed my skin

All my life I've waited  
Endless days have taken  
what made me free

Years have gone  
I'm broken  
Left the past unspoken  
Those years  
They haunt me still"

As the song finished Shuichi opened his eyes. His eyes met with golden ones, and he wondered why Yuki was here. He immediately looked away and left the booth. Picking up his bags, he left the studio without looking back.

Yuki followed him out, grabbing his arm. Shuichi didn't look around, just stood with his back to the author. Yuki found it uncomfortable not being able to see the singer's eyes. He himself walked in front of Shuichi. Yuki cupped his chin, raising his face. He looked into dead purple eyes that scared him.

"Are you leaving me?" He asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

Shuichi nodded. "I think it's for the best." He answered, and began to walk away, but Yuki stopped him once again.

"What have I done?" Yuki asked, feeling rather desperate.

"Nothing." Yuki looked confused, so Shuichi continued. "You never do anything, you never say you love me, you're a cold hearted bastard. It feels like I'm slowly dying inside, it's like I've lost myself and I can't find my way back. I've had enough, I can't take it anymore, it's over."

Shuichi pulled his arm out of Yuki grasp and walked away.

"Shuichi, I do love you." Yuki called after him.

Shuichi froze, but didn't turn. Yuki had finally said the words he had wanted to hear for so long, but why didn't they feel enough? Why did it feel fake? He finally turned around to face the only guy he had ever loved, and probably would ever love, and shook his head.

"It's too late."

He turned back round and walked away, this time not stopping when Yuki called after him. Yuki himself fell to his knees. He had just told Shuichi he had loved him, he thought that was what Shuichi wanted, but why was it too late? He cursed himself for not saying it sooner. He felt a hand on his shoulder, looking up he saw Tohma looking down at him. Yuki turned away, he felt tears fill his eyes and slip down his cheeks. It can't be over, can it? No, he told himself, it's not over, it would never be over.

He got to his feet and ran, not turning when Tohma called his name. He ran out of NG and looked around. He spotted a familiar pink head getting into a cab. He ran to his car and followed the cab. He would not allow Shuichi to get away from him. This wasn't over until the fat lady sings, but in this case Yuki, and as that will never happen, it will never be over.

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Well that was the first chapter. Was it okay? Please review. I want to know what you guys thought. Thanks for reading and next chapter up soon.


	2. Chapter 2

Hello, thank you to those who reviewed, it mean a lot to me. Here is chapter 2, and I hope you like it.

I do not own Gravitation, or the song, which is 'Denial of Life' by Death.

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**Chapter Two **

Shuichi got into a cab and gave his destination. He couldn't believe what had just happened. Yuki told him the three words he had wanted to hear for so long, and what did he do? He flipping walked away. He knew Yuki meant it, but he couldn't go back. Even though Yuki loved him, what if nothing changes?

What if he gave him another chance? What if after a while it goes back to the way it was, they way he was? What if this is just Yuki scared of losing his convenient fuck hole. Shuichi would gladly give Yuki another chance if he knew for sure that the author was willing to change. Not for him, but for Yuki himself.

He was having trouble coping with a lot of things. But one of them stood out. It was something that happened when he was sixteen years old. He had never told anyone what happened, he had kept it locked inside of him, if only Yuki knew how alike they really were. But now the memory kept replaying over and over in his head, he couldn't take it anymore. Maybe what happened then, and what's happening now was what made him finally decide to leave.

Getting out of the cab, he entered the hotel and walked up to the counter. After collecting his key, he walked to the elevator and pressed the call button. As the doors slid open he walked in, as the doors began to close, he gasped as he saw Yuki dash in. Shuichi turned away refusing to look at him. His heart was beating hard and he was having difficulty breathing. Why did being close to Yuki always affect him like this? It was still like the day they had met, the only time he was affected like this when he was around Yuki.

Yuki looked at the younger man beside him, but Shuichi was ignoring him. Now that he was here, he didn't know what to say. What could he say? He had told him he had loved him, and that hadn't been enough. But he refused to believe it was over.

Shuichi couldn't look at Yuki. He knew if he did he would give in. When the elevator arrived at his floor, he walked out and towards his hotel room. Yuki followed him all the way, Shuichi closed his eyes. Maybe it was a good time to talk. Maybe then Yuki would leave him alone.

He walked into the room, leaving the door open. If Yuki wanted to talk, it might as well happen now. Yuki walked in the room, closing the door behind him. Shuichi went straight to the mini-bar and took out two beers. Handing one to Yuki, he opened his and took a sip.

Settling on the bed, he looked at Yuki. The blonde sat on the bed beside him, he felt uncomfortable with the way Shuichi was looking at him. After taking a sip of his beer, he sighed. Maybe it was time to bare his soul, something he had never been able to do before, but if it helped, then he would just have to suck in his pride and do it. Taking a few deep breaths, he began.

"I know I've never treated you how you deserved to be treated. I know what an asshole I've been to you, but I've been trying. I guess I'm still not over the Kitazawa incident, and I know I can't keep using him as an excuse." He paused to take another sip from his beer. This was harder than he thought, but he knew he only had one chance to make this right. He would not leave this room without Shuichi by his side.

"You know I've never been able to trust easily, and when you first came into my life, it was like I was reliving my past. But you were different. You gave me your love expecting nothing in return, which was something I had never been given before. I guess it was like I was waiting for the catch, but when one never came…I started to fall in love with you, but I know I never showed it. I was still scared."

After finishing the rest of his beer, he stood and got another one. After lighting a cigarette, he sat back down. "I don't know if I would be telling you this now, or if I would ever have told you, but I know I don't want to lose you. You are my whole life, without you, I will be lost. For a while now, I've been thinking. I want to live my life and not let Kitazawa ruin it anymore. I want to learn to be myself again, but I can only do that with you by my side." He cursed himself as his voice cracked. That was all he needed, to cry and show more weakness.

Shuichi had been totally silent, just listening to Yuki talk. It was the longest thing Yuki had ever said to him. He was angry, not at Yuki, but at Kitazawa. That man had ruined Yuki's life and he would never forgive the bastard for it, but it looked like Yuki was now beginning to open up.

He knew it was probably because he had threatened to leave the blonde, but he would take whatever he would, but he still had to think. What if all this was just some trick to get him back, but he shook his head. Yuki was not that cruel, yeah the man had said hurtful things to him before, but this was different. This was the Yuki he had always wanted to see, his vulnerable side.

He finally turned to look at the man. Yuki had his head bent, his shoulders shaking as he cried silently. Shuichi laid his hand on his back. Yuki turned when he felt the hand on his back. Putting out his cigarette, he met beautiful violet eyes, ones that he had fallen in love with.

When Shuichi held out his arms, Yuki gratefully collapsed into them. Shuichi closed his arms around Yuki and allowed the man to cry on his shoulder. He had never been the comforter before. He closed his eyes, taking in Yuki's scent. When Yuki managed to get his crying under control, he pulled away. He wanted to kiss Shuichi, but he couldn't blow the progress he was making. Now that he had bared his soul, it was now Shuichi's turn.

"Shuichi, maybe it's time you now told me how your feeling."

Shuichi remained silent for a moment, before getting to his feet. Opening his bag, he took a packet of cigarettes and a lighter out. He then went to stand in front of the window.

"When did you start smoking?" Yuki asked.

"I haven't smoked a cigarette since I got signed at NG, Hiro made me quit. He said it was for the best, he said I wouldn't want to ruin my voice. It was hard, but I gave up. I always carry a packet of cigarettes with me. It's weird, when I've got them with me, I don't want to smoke, but when I haven't got them I want to, strange, ne? But I guess one wont hurt." He took a cigarette out and lit it. The first drag giving him a head rush, but after the next few drags he was used to it. "Even after three years, they still taste good."

He sighed, it was now his turn to bare his soul. "You know I've always loved you, right Yuki?"

"Yes." Yuki answered. He did know the younger man loved him

"It was love at first sight when we first met in the park. I loved you then, and I still love you now." He sighed again. "Do you know how long I've been hiding my real self?" He laughed slightly. "I guess it's been too long, I can't even remember myself. I'm not really bouncy, I don't usually whine. I did really well at school, I even learnt English. My old self died long before Taki had those guys rape me."

Yuki closed his eyes. He had always felt helpless when he thought about Shuichi being raped. He was the cause for it, Shuichi had been protecting him.

Shuichi put out his cigarette and lit another one. He was going to finally tell Yuki his biggest secret, a secret no one knew. His parents didn't know about this, neither did Hiro.

"When I was 14 years old, my cousin who was 27 years old at the time." Shuichi stopped for a moment, his whole body shaking.

Yuki watched him carefully, why did he have the feeling something bad was going to happen.

"His name was Jin, he was nice at first. He took me places and played with me. I loved him like a brother, but he turned nasty one day. He beat and raped me. I didn't tell anyone, he said if I did, he would kill me. So I never told, he would visit me every week. It went on for about a year." He took a few shaky breaths.

"My parents took my sister on holiday for her birthday, but I couldn't go because I had exams, they promised to take me on holiday if I passed them. So they had Jin to look after me. I had to put up with having him rape me over and over. One night he was drunk, and I had finally had enough. When he stumbled into my room, I was waiting. I had my father's baseball bat. When Jin turned on me, I hit him. He fell to the floor, and I continued hitting him. I couldn't stop, over and over I hit him. Getting him back for all the times he hurt me."

Shuichi collapsed to his knees, holding his head in his hands. Yuki had tears in his eyes as he listened to Shuichi sob. He didn't know what to do, whether to comfort Shuichi or not. Before he could make up his mind, Shuichi began talking again

"By the time I managed to take control of myself, I had his blood all over me. It was in my hair, dripping down my face. When I looked at Jin, his head was a bloody mess. I knew I had killed him. But, do you know what? I was glad, I was glad I had killed him, he could no longer hurt me." He stopped talking and held his shoulders, rocking back and forth.

Yuki finally got to his feet and sat beside Shuichi. He just put his hand on the younger mans back, letting him know he was there. It was a lot to take in. The Shuichi he knew was not the real Shuichi. He didn't feel disgusted to find out the man he loved had killed someone. He felt sorry for Shuichi, who had to go through a year of abuse. He had no idea how Shuichi had stayed so strong, when he had fallen apart and shut everyone out.

"What happened next?" He asked.

Shuichi took a deep breath. "When I realised that I had killed him, I knew I had to do something. So I cleaned myself up, went down stairs and trashed the house. I made it look like a robbery gone wrong. I called the police, telling them that someone was in the house. I then went back up to my room. I took the bat and hit myself a few times. The last hit knocked me out. The next time I woke up, I was in hospital. No one suspected me and that was it."

Shuichi finally looked up to meet the eyes of the man he loved. He found no disgust in the golden eyes looking at him. When Yuki opened his arms, Shuichi fell into the familiar heat of the older mans body. He would never forget the way the man felt, the familiar smell. Now that he had finally told Yuki his secret, he felt better. It had been eating at his conscience for six years.

"He made me sing this song he liked over and over again. I still sing it now when I'm on my own. I don't think I will ever be able to get the lyrics out of my head."

"Can you sing them for me?" Yuki asked, wondering if Shuichi had someone hear them, it might help him, probably not to forget them, but to help him somehow.

"Okay." Shuichi whispered, still holding onto Yuki.

After a few deep breaths, he began to sing, the lyrics were once again in English. Shuichi's voice remained just above a whisper.

**(Denial Of Life - Scream Bloody Gore)**

"_In your dreams  
The pain is so real  
Before the dead  
You'll have to kneel  
Hear your future screams  
See your epitaph  
As you scream  
The dead they laugh_"

Yuki felt goosebumps rise upon his arms. The lyrics were life death themselves. No wonder Shuichi had never been able to forget them. He probably wouldn't be able too.

"_Pain, growing stronger  
Life, exists no longer  
Welcome, to a world of pain  
Death and despair _

Denial of life (Vile denial)  
Denial of life  
Denial of life" 

Shuichi did feel a little better as he sang. He had kept this song to himself for six years, only singing it to himself. Maybe sharing them would help him.

"_Created by your mind  
To overtake your life  
Sacrificial suicide  
End it with a knife  
Much too late  
To change your mind  
A bloody corpse  
Is left behind_"

Yuki held Shuichi tighter as he felt the younger man begin to tremble. The song was something he would never want to hear again. He closed his eyes as Shuichi finished the song.

"_Pain, growing stronger  
Life, exists no longer  
Welcome, to a world of pain  
Death and despair _

Denial of life (Vile denial)  
Denial of life  
Denial of life" 

Shuichi began to sob. It was like a physical release. Sharing the song had made him feel better. He knew he would never be able to forget it, but it had made it easier. He felt totally exhausted. He closed his eyes and he felt himself falling asleep.

Yuki picked up the younger man and laid him on the bed. He was unsure about what to do. He didn't want to leave Shuichi, but…

"Don't leave me." Shuichi whispered.

Yuki nodded and lay down beside him. Shuichi immediately curled up against Yuki, the older man wrapped his arms around him.

Yuki lay awake for a few minutes, hoping now that they had both bared their souls, they could be together like they should have.

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Well, that's the end of chapter 2. What did you think, was it alright? Please let me know by reviewing. Chapter 3 up soon. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello all. Thanks to those who reviewed. Here is chapter 3, hope you like.**

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**Chapter Three **

Shuichi woke up a few hours later still in Yuki's arms. Carefully he got out of bed and stood by the window. He did feel better now. He had finally got his secret off his chest. He had nearly told Yuki about it when the man had told him about Kitazawa, but something stopped him.

He hadn't been able to step inside his parent's house since it happened. As soon as he was released from the hospital, he had refused to go back to that house. His parents understood, so they let him stay with Hiro while they had an apartment built above the garage.

He had lived in it until he had moved in with Yuki. Maybe it was time to pay a visit, maybe it would help him. His parents would probably be shocked, but he guessed it was something he had to do. It was about time he finally laid his past to rest.

He looked around when he heard the bed creak. Yuki stood up and came to stand beside him. Shuichi had never seen Yuki look as vulnerable as he did now, the man looked at him with sad eyes. Shuichi smiled and raised his hand, running his fingers along Yuki's cheek. He loved this man more than anything in this world. He had no idea why he wanted to leave him.

Yuki took the hand caressing his cheek. He hoped this meant Shuichi was coming back to him, but he was too afraid to ask. Shuichi wanted more than anything for the man to make love to him. He had never thought of it as that before, it was always fucking or screwing. Stepping forward, Shuichi wrapped his arms around Yuki's neck. Yuki responded by wrapping his arms around the younger mans tiny waist, pulling the smaller body against his own.

He knew what Shuichi wanted, but he was unsure whether it was a good idea, but all reasoning went out of the window when their lips met. Yuki moaned against the younger mans soft, sweet lips. He ran his tongue along Shuichi's bottom lip, Shuichi opened his mouth. Yuki's pushed his tongue in and deepened the kiss.

Yuki wanted his brat more than anything, but he thought maybe it was a bad idea for them to do anything. Shuichi could feel Yuki's uncertainty and took control, pulling Yuki towards the bed. They fell upon it in a tangle of limbs. Shuichi's breath was temporarily knocked out of him as Yuki fell on top of him.

Yuki looked down at the gorgeous man beneath him, and slowly lowered his head. Shuichi met his lips halfway and they kissed each other delicately. The kiss grew in intensity and soon they were nearly ripping each others clothes off.

**Warning, lemon alert: (it's not very good, but it's still a lemon)**

Yuki would never get tired at seeing or feeling Shuichi's beautiful body. His hands traced up Shuichi's legs, from his ankles to his thighs. Shuichi closed his eyes, loving the feel of Yuki's hands on his body.

He gasped, opening his eyes as he felt Yuki's mouth nibble on his stomach. Yuki moved his mouth upwards to Shuichi's nipples. While one hand played with his left one, he used his tongue on the other. The room filled with Shuichi's moans.

Yuki moved, so he was between Shuichi's legs. He placed his fingers in Shuichi's mouth, who sucked and licked at them greedily. Removing his fingers, Yuki moved them to Shuichi's opening and slipped one in. He moved his finger, stretching the tight passage. Shuichi moaned as he added another finger. Shuichi held on to Yuki's shoulders, his fingers digging in to the pale flesh. Shuichi moaned in disappointment when Yuki removed his fingers. The older man smiled as he positioned his erection against Shuichi's opening.

Shuichi gasped for breath as Yuki slammed into him with a flex of his hips. The blonde held still for a few moments, allowing Shuichi to get use to having his length inside of him. He began moving when Shuichi squeezed his shoulders.

Yuki buried his face against Shuichi neck as his thrust into him over and over. Shuichi's hands moved up and down Yuki's back, nails digging into the pale flesh. He wrapped his legs around the older mans waist, making Yuki drive deeper into him.

Shuichi could feel the pressure rising, and he came with a loud moan splashing white liquid against his stomach. The tight passage squeezing Yuki's cock tightened and he released himself after one last jab. He collapsed on top of the man under him, his legs feeling like jelly.

**Lemon is now over.**

After a moment, Yuki pulled out of Shuichi and collapsed beside him. He pulled the younger man against him. Shuichi snuggled against Yuki's chest, feeling warm and tired. They both fell asleep wrapped in each others.

--

Shuichi woke up the next morning sore, but it was a good soreness. He looked over to the blonde man sleeping beside him. He didn't know if things would get better between them, but he was willing to give it a go. But there was once thing he had to do first. He had to pay his childhood home a visit. He had to put his memories to rest.

Only then he hoped he could get on with his life. Stretching, he got out of bed and headed into the bathroom for a shower. The warm watered eased his aching muscles. After drying and dressing, he realised he was late for work. He got his cell phone out of his and realised he had had it on silent. He had over 20 missed calls and just as many text messages.

Most of them were from Hiro, two were from Tohma and one was from K, telling him to call or the man would hunt him down. He rolled his eyes and sent Hiro a text, telling his friend he was fine, and he would call him later.

He then sent a text to K, telling the man he wouldn't be in today as he had something he needed to do. He then turned his phone off. He didn't want to deal with anyone else today. He called room service and asked for some coffee to be brought up.

After the coffee arrived, Shuichi stood in front of the window with a cup in his hand. His heart felt a little lighter for the first time since he had killed his cousin. A groan had him looking towards the bed. He smiled as Yuki sat up looking adorably cute, his blonde hair sticking up.

Yuki blinked the sleep out of his eyes and looked around the room. Shuichi stood by the window smiling at him. Shuichi walked over to the trolley and poured Yuki a coffee. The blonde took it, taking a sip of the hot liquid.

His eyes met Shuichi's once again. The younger man seemed different. Was it because he had finally bared his soul, and told his secret? After finishing his coffee, he put the cup on the trolley and walked towards Shuichi, but he stopped uncertainly. Even though they slept together last night, does that mean their back together?

Shuichi knew what Yuki was thinking. He put his cup down and wrapped his arms around Yuki's neck, resting his head against the older mans chest.

"Shuichi, are we back together? And are you coming back to live with me?" Yuki asked softly as he wrapped his arms around the younger mans waist.

"Yes to both questions Yuki."

Yuki's arms tightened around the smaller body. "I won't let you down, I promise."

--

A couple of hours later they were standing outside Shuichi's parent's house. His parents and sister were out for the day, so they wouldn't be disturbed. Shuichi unlocked the door, and entered the house.

After removing their shoes, Yuki followed as Shuichi walked up the stairs. Shuichi felt his body begin to tremble. It had been a long time since he had been here, and to be honest he wished he had not decided to come here.

Yuki put his hand on Shuichi's back to let the younger man know he wasn't alone. He heard Shuichi sigh, but he continued walking. They paused at a door, and Shuichi took a deep breath and opened it.

They entered the room, that was still decorated how he left it, but the carpet had been changed. Shuichi looked at the spot where he had killed Jin. It's funny really, he didn't feel anything. Now that he was here, he felt nothing.

He smiled slightly, feeling a little silly. Now that he had shared his secret, this place didn't have a big impact on him. He didn't feel like he had to leave the room, he just stood there.

Yuki looked around the room, smiling. He could tell it was Shuichi's room. The walls were covered in Nittle Grasper posters. He looked back at Shuichi to see a small smile on the younger mans face. He placed his arm around Shuichi's shoulder and the younger man leaned against him. They stood there for a while, just looking. Shuichi breathed a sigh of relief. It felt like it was finally over. Taking Yuki's hand, he led the man out of his old room and down the stairs. After putting their shoes back on, they left.

Once they were sitting in Yuki's car, the older man turned to Shuichi. "I think it's time to I put Kitazawa to rest. Will you come to New York with me?" He asked.

"Of course Yuki." Shuichi answered.

"Also I think you should call me Eiri from now on. I don't want you calling me by a dead mans name."

"Okay." Shuichi smiled.

Yuki drove away from Shuichi's parent's house and drove back to their apartment. He helped Shuichi carry in his stuff and went straight to the phone to book airplane tickets. He was lucky and managed to get a flight that was leaving in a couple of hours. They were return tickets, so they would stay in New York for just one day, and then fly back to Japan. Yuki was finally ready to lay Kitazawa's ghost to rest.

--

A couple of hours later, they were seated on a plane flying towards New York. Yuki held Shuichi's hand, he needed the comfort and his brats touch. He was nervous, and he felt a little sick. It had been a while since he had been in New York, he hadn't visited Kitazawa's grave in a while. But this would be the last time, and he hoped to get some closure.

He knew that this would be his last chance with Shuichi, and he was determined to make it work. Shuichi meant more to him than anything, and he could not bear to lose the one he loved, and Shuichi had managed to put his demons to rest, and now it was his turn.

They were flying first class and there was only one more couple besides them in the section. Yuki looked around, and sighed. A squeeze on his hand brought his eyes to Shuichi's face. His brat raised his eyebrows at him, a silent question of asking him how he was.

Yuki smiled and leant over, brushing his lips against Shuichi's. He pulled away, and nodded, a silent way of saying he was fine. They would be in New York tomorrow, so he leant back and closed his eyes, he might as well sleep. He felt Shuichi move and a moment later, a weight on his shoulder told him Shuichi had leant his head on his shoulder, he smiled as he felt himself falling asleep.

--

Well, that's it. Hope you like and please review to let me know what you think. Next chapter might be the last one, not sure, might have an epilogue. Anyway, thanks for reading.


	4. Chapter 4

**This is the last chapter, and it's just wrapping things up. Hope you like.**

**I do not own Gravitation.  
**

**Chapter Four  
**  
Shuichi woke up to someone shaking him softly. He opened his eyes and saw Yuki, he smiled. The plane was descending. Putting on his seat belt, he once again found his hand being caught. He gave his lovers hand a soft squeeze to reassure the man.

It seemed to take forever to disembark, at least they didn't have any luggage to collect. They left the airport and flagged down a passing cab. Giving the driver the destination, they sat in the back in silence, holding hands. Yuki took a few deep breaths. It had never felt like this before when he visited Yuki's grave, but maybe now because he was finally going to put the man to rest. It had been too long and the man had always haunted him, but no more. Kitazawa Yuki was dead and never coming back.

When the cab came to a stop, Shuichi paid the driver and they began walking through the grave yard. Yuki once again took his hand and led him over to a grave, and the older man stood looking down at the tomb stone that had haunted him for as long as he could remember. Shuichi squeezed his hand, before leaving him on his own. He knelt down and reached out to touch the name on the stone. "Well, for some reason, you don't seem to be that threatening anymore." He paused, not feeling that stupid about talking to a grave stone. "I know I could have done this a long time ago, but I didn't. And I admit, I am only doing this because Shuichi would leave me otherwise. I should have been able to get on with my life many times now, but I just found myself stuck, never doing anything. But now, it's time. This is over, your dead and I'm now going to live. Goodbye Yuki."

Standing up, he looked over to Shuichi, who smiled and walked back over to him. He held out his hand, and held the small hand that immediately clasped his own. "Ready?" Shuichi asked.

Yuki nodded. "Yes, oh and when we walk away, I'm leaving the name Yuki here. From now on, call me Eiri." The blonde saw Shuichi smile from the corner of his eye.

"Whatever you saw sweety."

Yuki glared. "Never call me that." He said, but his lips twitched into a small smile. "Come on."

Together they walked out of the cemetary and when a cab passed them, they flagged it down and drove to the airport. Their flight wasn't for an hour, so they went and had a drink. Shuichi sat and sipped his coffee, his eyes locked on Yuki's face. The blonde narrowed his eyes. "What?" He demanded.

Shuichi shrugged. "Just making sure your not going crazy." He teased, but stopped at the glare that was aimed his way. "No, just making sure your okay."

Yuki smiled. "I'm fine. It's now all over with, and we can get on with our lives."

--

Life had been good since that day they had returned back from New York. Eiri indeed had been trying to live and he was making progress. He laughed more and his smiles always melted Shuichi. They had helped each other to get on with their lives and everything was going great.

Shuichi looked down at the engagement ring he now wore. Eiri had finally proposed to him and they were set to marry in six months, as Shuichi wanted a summer wedding. The younger man stood before the window and smiled, he heard his lover come up behind him and sighed as the warmth of Eiri's body engulfed him. "I love you Shuichi." Was whipsered against his neck.

"Love you too, Eiri."

**END**

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Hope you liked it. Thanks for reading and please review. 


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